Saturday, August 21, 2010
So I sit wondering what I should write about feeling like there is nothing special about and who would what to read what I have to say but at this very second some very special women have made me change my mind. So for the past few years I have been a part-time student for the Assaulted Women’s Children Counsellor/Advocate Program (so happy to say that Monday is my last day of this program), and through this whole time I’ve had this horrible fear what if I this filed isn’t for me. Ops maybe I should let you all know who I am, my name is Elvia Maria Penate and it’s a pleasure to meet all of you. so where was I; yes like I was saying I’ve always felt a fear that maybe I wouldn’t good in this field since your dealing with people and the last thing you what to do is hurt them more then they be already hurting. Sadly I have not been the field that long cause few years ago I didn’t even what to deal with my own issues of abuse and self harm and what better to deal then to pretend that I’m fine and the world is a great place and that bad things really don’t happen (how may times have you heard that one). But I was really happy to come across this program that I’m and woman (should have been boy but I don’t do things like I should any more;)) did it open my eyes. I was very blessed to have met some amazing women who have helped me grow in the woman I am and that woman I can still be because I do believe we are always growing as persons. Still with all this I was really scared who am I, can I really make a change, and what if I really mess up. Well this past July I was throw in situation where I had to do what needed to be done. I have been very lucky to have friends who work in field and this help me gain a lot of knowledge and placement experience has truly been amazing from running a food bank/community garden to helping women family court and so on but there has always been a part of me that knows I what to work with youth due to the fact that when I was 16 I had youth counsellor come into my life and she help me so much and I just what to do the same for youth who many feel alone for whatever reason. This placement gave me that chance when I helped run a leadership summer camp for youth. It was the hardest and easiest thing I have ever done so far in my life. I remember being so nervous what if they don’t listen to me, what if they think what I have to say is dumb, what if we can’t relate to one and other, or what if I mess up big! All This was going though my mind when the young women started showing up because my co-worker and I both knew that most of these girls don’t what to be there and if we don’t keep them interested they may not show up the next day. But they had fun and the next day we had some of them bring friends because they thought their friends might like it too. We stated with 7 girls and with the week we went up to 15, sadly we closed it off there since we needed the group to feel comfortable with each other since some of the topics where hard. You see we run the like this workshop in the morning and a fun activity in the afternoon and it really work out lovely cause you could them changing into more amazing young they where already and I knew we where doing something right. Now they great things working with youth is they are so honest and they told us what work and what didn’t and we listen. This showed them we were there for them and not the other way around. But I’ll be honest though this whole time I was still wondering if this was really for me, not that I didn’t love it (trust me I would get up at 7am every morning and couldn’t wait to get there) but I was so worried I wasn’t doing enough. But I had two occasion where I knew this is what I’m meant to do, when the girls just for a fun activity to stay with us and just talk and one the girls told me that she was really glad that she meet us because I was the first woman she could relate to about her sexually and that helped her not feel so alone. Right there I knew I was doing something right. You see these girls help me realizes as long I don’t try to be perfect and as long they know that we can grow together and that is doing something good. I know that I have a long way to go but who wouldn’t what a life time of learning when I can be learning some of the most amazing young people in the world.