Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Art for my mind's sake.

I used to think that I had no artistic talent what so ever, that the ability to make the beautiful things that my sisters create were given only to them and not me. I can draw something that more or less resembles what it was meant to be, and I can paint a room like nobody's business, but none of my art would be likely to be hanging in a gallery. I have discovered, over the years, that I have two talents: Using minerals to heal, and writing. It took me a long time to realize that these two talents, alone and together, have helped me keep my sanity when things got tough. How I discovered them is still a mystery to me, but I don't question them anymore. One day, about 14 years ago, my future father-in-law gave me some stones and jewellery making equipment, and I fell immediately in love. I have spent countless hours working with rocks, wire, clasps, and heavy duty fishing line, creating necklaces and bracelets, anklets and even earrings. The minerals speak to me in a language that touches my heart, and I have come to the conclusion that THEY chose ME to do THEIR work. Many of my friends have pieces I have made for them, and I love seeing someone wearing something that I made. That is the kicker, though. Many times I make something and I just know that it isn't for me. Within a few hours or days, I will see someone and know that it is theirs. I have given away many more pieces then I have ever sold, and I'm okay with that. The joy I get from working with the stones has been payment enough for me, and anytime I try to make pieces specifically to sell, I have too many blocks to allow me to create beauty. That is something that I am working on, but it is a slow go. Writing is something that I've done for many years, although I have walked away from it more times than I can count. If I cannot physically write something down, I work through it in my head, defining and refining it until I am satisfied. Having a laptop helps, but when I really need to write, anything will do. Napkins, scrap paper, even my journals all hold pieces of writing that I've done over the years. I've never published any of my work, and it is rarely seen by others. I do it for my own pleasure, and truly have no idea if others would even like it. I have discovered and used other talents over the years, but those two things are the ones that follow me through all of the changes I have gone through in the last 20 years. I am on the cusp of starting a new business, one that allows me to work with the Mother and all of her beauty, and it has brought me immense pleasure. Colouring my decision to start a new business is that I struggle, like many other women, with being able to make a decent amount of money doing something I love instead of something that pays well but sucks the life out of you. I guess the reality is that it is just a matter of getting up the nerve to face creating a business and incorporating, getting insurance, and a bank account, and all the other stuff involved. In the words of the great sage, I need to "Suck it up, Buttercup" and just get on with it. I wish I could just do what I like doing, but the reality is that I need to be able to move within the current system to survive. I hope that it will be better this time because it is on my terms.

2 comments:

  1. .....this struggle, the joy, the bliss, the fear! the fear! the fear! ;0)
    Thank you for your truth. We need a support system for all if us to get through the first year, or 5 years ;0)

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