Wednesday, March 10, 2010

1+1=blue, I darn you to prove me wrong

Dear me! I am in deep, struggling with the math behind my biz. I have never been a big believer in math, truly as a child no one could convince me that it wasn't arbitrary. In a very strict school with strict laws about my body, my beliefs and my role in society as a girl (none of which I believed) math just fit in to that big heap of that which I didn't let in. I failed every grade of math in grade school. I just shut down, spent the time dreaming, planning or drawing. I was a creative kid in a very stale small town, I planned my escape the majority of my childhood, mostly during math..... My European parents nearly lost their minds.... I dated a german envro scientist who spent the majority of our relationship, spanned across several contents, trying to prove the existence and foundation of math. My disbelief and questioning often forced reflection that wasn't always warmly received. In university they labelled it part of the larger learning disability, but I still like to think it is free will....... So now here I sit with my reality, success and the success of others based on 1+1 I knew this would be a challenge, but somehow I need to make peace with this part, to shift this block and move the heavy chunk of concrete that is currently occupying my brain. I need to cut the strings that are connected and so interwoven. I've reached out to my teacher for help, that's a big step for me

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